Smiley: Not ready for the Tour de France

Dear Smiley: When my wife hosted her book club (more wine and gossip than literary topics) I was told to get lost.

It was a pretty day, so I decided to get on my bike and ride to get a snowball. I hadn’t ridden in a while, but you don’t forget how to ride a bike. Right?

I was adventurous, so I headed from Kenner to the lake, taking the bike path to Canal Boulevard. My destination was what is now Nola Snow Snoballs on Harrison Avenue, the location I first visited over 60 years ago.

I made it through the treacherous streets of Lakeview and was rewarded for my bravery with a sweet treat. On the return trip, I was saddle sore and the legs were heavy.

Things went smoothly until I came upon the 17th Street Canal bridge in Bucktown. The sidewalk approach had a 4-inch rise. I tried to jump it. The wrong move! I had no spring in my weary legs.

After almost going over the handlebars and balancing on the front wheel for a split second, I returned to earth with a thud.

Minimal blood loss was involved. Just a wounded elbow. I made it home in just under four hours, just as things were wrapping up with the book club (the wine ran out).

A thorough body check showed me good to go, with one exception. I needed a application of A&D ointment. The bike saddle did more harm than the bridge!

PETER DASSEY

Kenner

No fish story

Dear Smiley: Recent fishing stories reminded me of growing up in Statesboro, Georgia.

My dad was an avid fisher, who once held a world record for the permit, a saltwater fish. He use to drag my brother and me all over the place to fish.

Once, while fishing in Lake George in Florida, we had a guide to find the hot spots.  

The first morning, we got in the boat, with my dad in the bow facing forward. When the guide yanked on the starter cord, the motor must have been in gear, as the boat immediately jumped forward. The guide left the boat over the motor!

What a sight: my brother and I watching the guide in the water and my dad sitting in the front wondering why we were going in circles!

RICHARD MINK

New Orleans  

One peck too many

Dear Smiley: The stories of the peacock reminded me of a customer I had. She had a peacock that more than once attacked the vehicles of friends visiting her.

During mating season it would see itself in the side of a  shiny new vehicle and attack it, pecking many dents and scratches in the side of the vehicle.

After the second attack, I was sorry to hear of the peacock’s passing.

CHUCK FALCON

Donaldsonville

Dear Chuck: First you make a roux…

High art

Dear Smiley: Alice Couvillon, on Tuesday, talked about her husband climbing a water tower and spray-painting his name.

This reminded me of one of my favorite Jeff Foxworthy jokes: “You might be a redneck if you’ve ever climbed a water tower with a can of spray paint to defend your girlfriend’s honor.”

JIM NICHOLS

Lafayette

Dance class 

Dear Smiley: My wife Bertha, an elementary school teacher, once had a troublesome student who was constantly disrupting the class.

Bertha warned him, “Young man, if you don’t learn to behave, you and I are going to tangle.”

He responded, “Mrs. Hinojosa, I don’t know how to tango.”

MARIANO HINOJOSA

Baton Rouge

Just you wait

Dear Smiley: A few years ago, as I was checking in for an appointment with a urologist, I heard the receptionist answer the phone with “Southern Urology. Could you hold please?” It’s a very old joke, but it really happened.

ROGER WAGGONER 

Lafayette