What are the challenges of the third generation in the “sandwich generation” setting?
The third generation in the sandwich generation setting is identified as the child or children of the adult/parent(s) caregiver and the affected elder grandparent/relative all living together in the household.
Children experience a variety of fears and insecurities about the arrangement; mainly fearing what’s going to happen in the journey and being sad about the changes their affected grandparent or relative are experiencing during the Alzheimer’s disease journey.
Additionally, children may be irritated and afraid; feeling as if the family is frequently in crisis mode. Their anxiety and stress are coupled with feelings of being ignored because of the lack of attention (or love) from their parents, and they are threatened and resentful about the loss of quality time with the family.
It is important for the caregiver parent to step back and evaluate what’s going on in the home and to try to take control of the situation. Children will feel a range of emotions, just like everyone else in the household, and must be allowed to share their feelings openly without being reprimanded or making their feelings seem inconsequential or unimportant. Children have a need to feel needed and respected, so it is a good idea to involve them in the care of the affected grandparent/relative. Keep children informed about the changes that are happening with their grandparent(s). By being honest with the children, their fears, anxieties and their often-acting-out behaviors will actually decrease.
The disease should not be the “elephant in the room,” so to speak, and children should be educated and aware of the disease journey, in an age-appropriate manner. They may be fearful of what’s going on — even thinking their mom or dad may “catch” the disease or they themselves may get it, too. The more they know what’s going on with the affected grandparent/relative, the more comfortable they will feel around him/her and the more willing they will feel confident to assist in small caregiving tasks.
According to a survey by the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America, 60% of the children of sandwich generation caregivers assist in the caregiving. There are teachable moments everywhere, and children can understand the grandparent/relative still loves them beyond the disease. Offering constant reassurance and love can lend greater trust with the children, and setting aside one-on-one time makes them feel included, not excluded.
Behind all the challenges with children in the sandwich generation, there are opportunities for children to develop life skills, build self-esteem and confidence and enrich the grandparent-grandchild relationship. Young and old do learn together, and children acquire a great respect for and value from the older generation, and in that regard, they become more comfortable with aging and do not fear old people. They can gain better emotional, social and coping skills, and grow in empathy and compassion for their grandparent as well as for others. They bring great joy to the affected grandparent and can witness “love in action” as they participate in the work of caregiving along with their parents.
Overall, being part of the sandwich generation experience helps children grow in knowledge of the community and world around them.
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